i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
