I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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