he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
no, he came in my armpit
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
