ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
