You can't special order awesome
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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