Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
