After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
