mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Pooping to opera.
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