the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's blow job season.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
