did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sext me about skeletons
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
