mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
