I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
