Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize