I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
