I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
