if i can run in heels then i can drive
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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