Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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