Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
