Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize