Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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