Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends

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(703): View more from Virginia

Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt

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(507): View more from Minnesota

you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now

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(916): View more from California

I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.

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(510): View more from California

Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me

(206): View more from Washington

That is an interesting fear as well as image

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(641): View more from Iowa

You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.

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(727): View more from Florida

We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.

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