I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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