hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
