y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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