well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
