I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
