My liver just broke up with me...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
