It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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