You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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