I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
her vagine was all disorganized.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
