i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
