yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
