Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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