Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
