Me too!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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