Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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