I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
