Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
