I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
