It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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