The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
