Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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