...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
