Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
