If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
