im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
