We're like a lot better than the average bears
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
