How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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