my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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