It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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