What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
