she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
