I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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