Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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