Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
