so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Come on in and take your pants off
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
