you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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