did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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