did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
