So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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