Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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