She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
