I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
