seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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