shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
