Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
