We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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